Day two

So I had 405 cals yesterday. I'm happy with that. I'm not going to go over 500 today either. 149lbs when I weighed myself this morning. I will be in the 130's again.

Someone shoot me

Well I'm back , for the millionith timeee. Starting over. 

I'm so weak I don't know what's wrong with me. I've been really depressed latley so I've been eating my face off, and no mia, I'm happy about that part. I haven't weighed in a while I think I'm around 149-150, I'm not going to weigh until a week. It's to fucking depressing because it's my own stupid fault.

I don't know why but I have this all or nothing attitude, either I starve myself or binge. There's just no inbetween with me, I can't be normal no matter how hard I try. I bought a bunch of cute clothes for christmas and I want to look good in it so I have to get my ass in gear.

When I'm doing horrible I don't know why but I can't even log on here. I feel so grosse. I'm sorry to m followers and I'm not going to leave again, not even if I have a bad day or two. I'm going to catch up on everyone else's posts. 

So far today I've had  225 calories and it's 9:30pm. I'm not going over 500, no matter what.

Wish me luck this time beautiess 

xo

Day 1

Well yesterday was supposed to be day 1 of ABC but I fucked it up, so I'm restarting today. I was 148 this morning, that's a bit better. I was really stressed out last night, couldn't sleep til like 3 in the morning. Today is a new day I won't fuck up anymore. I really want to finish it, I've never finished it before but I will. 

Thank you all for your comments, you guys are always here when I need some motivation or support, and I'm not going to leave when things get rough this time, I'm going to stick around. 

It's almost dinner time, I've had 90 calories so far. I can do this. I know I can. 

I'm back and fat again -_-

149lbs.

WTF is wrong with me? How did I get back here?
I've been stuffing my face and being a lazy fuck thats how.
Starting ABC diet today, so far I've had 250 cals and I'm going to have the other 250 later this evening.
My boyfriend is gone away for 6 weeks now, I want to be135 or lower when he gets back. I will do it this time. I missed you guys but I've been going through some rough stuff the past while and just don't know how to handle it besides stuffing my face and then feeling even worse. A new month a new start.

137

137lbs when I stepped on the scale today, not bad. Three pounds away from where I was. I can't wait to be under 135 again. I feel a million times better today than when I had my "melt down."

I kept my calories under 800 and ate mostl good foods. Boyfriend came home yesterday finally, and of course brought over junk food, ugh I love him but I hate when he does that. I ended up having a couple chips with dip and candy but I know I never went over my calorie limit. Plus some long over due lovingg must have burned off some of those calories ;)

Spin class kicked my ass yesterday. Then I went on the treadmill for half an hour and did an hour of free weights, planks, squats etc. I drank fuck loads of water and diet pepsi. Today is 800 cals or less. I can do this I know I can. 

I was supposed to go Zumba class today but the weather is shittt so I'm going to stay home and do one of my work out videos and get on my own treadmill.

I will stay strong today, no matter what crap boy brings home after work. I told him not to bring it in the house but I know he won't listen. Can't punish him for my fucked up eating I guess but it's so much harder when it's there in front of my face. 

I can do it, I will do it. 
Stay strong my beauties and thank you so much for all of your wonderful comments, it means so much to me to know that there's people out there that I can talk to about anything and not get judged, that understand what I'm going through. Lots of love to all of you beautiful ladies. xoxox Stay stong & think thin!!

-J

Going back

I can't keep eating how I was the last 4 days, I can't. I feel like a cow all day long.  I miss feeling hungry, I miss my stomach growling. It makes me feel like I'm doing something right. So I'm started modified ABC today and getting my ass back on track. I don't care what my family thinks, I'm going to do what makes me happy. And you know what that is? Yup, you guessed it: being skinny.

So on this ABC it starts at 800 cals a day and never goes below 300, I think this one will be a lot easier to do with the boy going to be around and all. I will do it. I'm going to have a some breakfast now in a bit then I'm going to a spin class at the gym. I need to get back to 134. I will get back to 134.

So here's my new plan:
- Modified ABC
- Drink lotss of water
- If all my cals are gone for the day and I feel hungry, drink some diet coke
- I'm going to eat breakfast
- Go to the gym whenever possible

Thanks for the comments ladies, I know it can't all be fat but I was having a melt down :(

FMLFMLFML

UGHHHHHH so, my family has been nuts latley, watching me like a hawk, and going on and on about how I have to eat, starvation mode etc etc. So I decided to say ok I'll do it their way and see how it works, it hasn't been very long but I joined a gym with my cousin and have been going to a class everyday, on top of doing cardio and have been eating normal, 1400 cals a day, no binges and all healthy foods. My cousin, lets call her Amy, has been pushing this strength training crap on me yada yada so I said I'd do it. I've been so fucking sore and haven't stepped on the scale, was feeling ok.

Well that went to fuck about 10 minutes ago. I stepped on the goddamned scale and I'm 145!!!!!! One hundred and forty five fucking pounds !!! How is that even fucking possible??? I measured my waist, which was 28.5, now its 30!!!!!! Around my belly button was 32, now 34!! I'm fucking huge, I'm getting fatter, what the fuckk. I'm actually freaking out. Bf comes home tomorrow and now I'm just as fucking fat as when he left. I'm crying my eyes out, I can't do this. I don't know what to do :(