Tuesday, September 7, 2010

Ughhhhhh Horribleee !

I don't know what the fuck my problem is. Like seriously. This morning was great, I weighed in at an all time low of 136!! Then I was good all day, only had some brocolli, carrots and two egg whites. Then my brother came over and we went out, of course he fucking wanted mcdonalds, but I only had about 200 calories so I figured I`d get a grilled snack wrap without the cheese and I`d still make it under my 500 calories for the day. I did it. I was happy. Then I get home and my fucking bitch sister calls me and tells me a bunch of shit that upsets me a lot. 

So what do I do? 

Stuff my fucking facee like retarded. I ate everything in sight, purged, ate everything else, purged and repeated this about 6 fucking times. The amount of food I've eaten is crazy. To the point I looked like I was about to give birth and my stomach felt like it was going to explode. Now I'm here with my fucking throat killing and feeling like a piece of fucking shit. What is wrong with me? Why am I such an emotional eater, I was doing so good with not bingeing and purging. I hate myself right now. I really do. I don't even want to step on the god damned scale tomorrow but I know I will and then I'll be even more fucking depressed than I am right now when I see a fucking gain. Ughhhh. I need to fuck off bingeing. No more, enough of that shit.

So starting tomorrow I'm doing a water fast until Friday evening, I'd like to go longer but I'm going out for my pop's birthday supper with the family and I'm going to have to eat something. But I'm going to keep it veryy light and veryyy low cal. So absolutley no food, no diet pepsi nothing but water until then. Anyone with me? 

 Sorry about bitchingg so much in this post but I had to get it out of my system. Hope everyone has been doing better today than my fatass. 

 -J 
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4 comments:

  1. amySeptember 7, 2010 at 8:27 PM

    i know it's bloody annoying but you'll get there eventually - the binges will be fewer and further between! at least that's what i'm hoping for myself. we can do it xx

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  2. UnknownSeptember 8, 2010 at 5:45 AM

    i know haow you feel. i did the same thing yesterday. but ive told myelf im not b/p - ing ever again. we can do it! good luck with the fast i would join except 2moro contains blood tests (of which i faint when i dont eat before) and friends (of who can somehow make me eat with love) grr.

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  3. wantSeptember 8, 2010 at 8:36 AM

    Girls we can totally get over these binge/purge episodes, we are strongg.I know we can do it !! Acka next fast we'll do together and it will help motivate us : ) xo

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  4. DaniSeptember 8, 2010 at 11:33 AM

    o hun im sorry iknow how the binge purge cycle gets i get in them all the time thankfullly i havent had one in awhile yeah imight eat more then i want but havent had a full out binge in awhile
    so thats hope u know u can do it just try and keep healhty food around u hun and avoid the junk as much as possible
    and ingore ur ass of a sister shes a bitch
    good luuck on ur fast

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