Yessaaa !!

137lbs ! Ha take that scalee, blew right past 138, I'm pumpedd! : )


This is my lowest weight since my teens, it makes me want to keep going.


I CAN do it.
I WILL be skinny.


So, yesterday was a good day food wise. I went down to my parents for the god damned dinner and my dad kept saying I want to see you eat a good meal today J, fill your plate. I said i'll eat til I'm full. So I don't take as much as everyone else but enough that people won't notice. Just looking at how much they were eating is grosse to me, in the back of my head all I'm thinking is I'm glad it's you eating that shitload of food not me, I'm getting skinny. I know it's bad of me , but these are the people who constantly reminded me of how fat I was all through my childhood. The fact that they're getting bigger somehow makes me feel better. Ha , I know I'm fuckedd. 


While everyone else was eating I was eating slower, refilling my drink, things like that and definatly stayed under 500 cals : ) Then while doing the dishes my bitch sister makes the comment, your pants are too baggy, if you lose anymore weight you're going to look annorexic. In front of everyone. I said annorexic!! are you crazyyy? Look how big my gut is and my legs. She looked me up and down and said yah but theyre always going to be big. FUCKIN BITCH. They won't always be big, I'm going to be skinny, everywhere.

When I got home I drank lots of water and diet coke, had one piece of dark chocolate, my favvv. Then went to bed. I love going to bed hungry, stomach growling. I don't know why it makes me happy, makes me feel like that day was a good day. Today I decided I'm going to start 2468, wish me luck my beautiess !

Stay stong xo


-J