I should have just went to sleep last night.
I was going to, I really was.
But stupid fat nosey me had to stick my fucking nose in the fridge to see what was there.
What did I do? Oh I think we all know. I ate every motherfucking thing in sight. I stoppsed counting at around 2500 calories.Don't feel bad Acka, I can guarantee I did much much worse than you.I'm not going to post what I actually ate, it's disgusting. I'm a glutton. I scarfed down as much food as humanly possible within 45 mins then purged it up. I don't know if I got it all.
I was 136lbs this morning, 2 lbs up from my pre binge but I had a lot of salt so I'm hoping that it's mostly retained water.
Fuckkk. I really need to fuck off bingeing and purging. I know I say this almost every day but I really do. My teeth are fucked in the back. I'm so afraid to go to the dentist, he'll know right away. I hate how I feel after with my face all puffy. I look even fatter. I hate going to bed with that feeling of failure in myself.
Why can't I be strong with so many other beautiful girls? Why can't I just resist the urge to stuff my face?
I will do it. I will. I can.
I'm water fasting until Friday. I have to go out to another god damned fucking dinner with my family at some greasy grosse resteraunt. There's going to to absolutley nothing remotley healthy on the menu, I know this for a fact. So water fasting it is. I may allow myself some chicken broth is I feel like I need something.
I know people say fasts only lead to another binge. But I need to do this. I need to get back down to 134 or lower and stay there. I never wanna be up over 135, which I am now. A failure. I need to feel hungry. To feel my stomach growl and feel hunger pains. For this is when I know I am doing good.
Ughhh today is a new day. I will do better. I have to. I'm going to bust my ass on the treadmill as well. I was on the treadmill yesterday as well, for about 1/2 hour running. I don't know how many calories that burned, I don't trust those little monitors on them that tell you, I just don't. They aren't accurate.
On a better note, 9 followers now yay : )
After my bitchy winey little freak out. Oh well I want to say thank you to the people who are always here for me to comment and make my day a little better. SO thank you so much to:
Acka
amy
bonesarepure
I love you girls. I love reading your blogs and I love your comments on mine : )
You beauties rockkk !
You beauties rockkk !
Also, to Rosette, I'm not forgetting you, thank you for the comment. I'm going to start reading your blog today : )
Stay strong lovliess & think thin!! We can do this, We can!
Lots of loveee
-J
hey gorgeous girl,
ReplyDeletethanks for the shout out :) as for the bingeing, it's just like you said: today is a new day. you WILL do better. you just have to think, what can i do today that can right my wrongs of yesterday? stay strong and keep smiling xxx
aw u know im always here for u hun
ReplyDeleteims orry u bigned and purged its hard to get out of that cycle but i know u cant
just take it one day at a time and u will b just fine
love u stay strong
Aw thank you :) Don't worry too much about the binge. Yes it feels awful now, but just focus on your goal, and remember how bad you want to get there. Also remember that the food will always be there another day to enjoy. You don't have to enjoy it all at once, just one bye one. Each day let yourself have 1 of something that you are craving. If you want more just say to yourself, "oh I can eat that tomorrow"
ReplyDeleteHope I helped :)
Im the same for binging, im awfull! But i guess if we want this as much as we say we do, our willpower will get stronger! Good luck with your fast, i know you can do it! :) ox
ReplyDeletesorry about the binge! that sucks, but you can always do better tomorrow!
ReplyDelete-S